No Easy Answers
by web of light
Summary: An Added Moment to the episode Nothing Human
She could breathe. She could move. The weight was gone. She remembered an incident long ago when Neelix had been confined to a biobed and complained about the boring sick bay ceiling. She knew exactly what he meant. Too long she had lain here helpless listening as people around her made decisions about her life. She wiggled her fingers and opened her eyes.

"Hey." Tom's voice was soft. She looked up into his face. He was smiling.

"I can move!"

"Yes. Be careful. You've just been through...well you know what you've been through."

"What happened to that….alien?"

"As far as I know it's fine. It was beamed back to its people."

She started to sit up.

"Easy". He said.

"So how did the Doctor do it?" She asked.

Tom sighed.

"Why did you have to ask that first thing?"

"How did he do it?" She asked. Her jaws tightened as she flashed her eyes at him.

"Calm down." Tom said. He took a deep breathe. "He did it with the help of Moset's research."

'I said I didn't…" Things started to boil over inside her.

"We know. The Captain overrode your wishes. But it's over. The hologram has been deleted. No one will use him or his research again. This was a onetime thing."

"Damn!"

Another sigh.

"I knew you'd be angry."

"What did you expect me to be?" She said. She knew her tone was harsh.

"Exactly what you are...which is something I would have missed."

She growled. Most of the time she tried to restrain herself from doing that but now she didn't care. _How dare they?_

Tom seemed unmoved by her anger.

"Pardon me for not being sorry you survived. I guess that makes me a bad person but I don't care. Throw things at me, break up with me...I do not care." He emphasized his last four words. "But if it helps I understand why you felt that way. To benefit from research that came from so much pain is wrong...but if you had let yourself die...I would have suffered. I'm not sorry that I didn't have to attend your memorial service and didn't have to stand by and watch you get shot out into space in a tube. I'm not sorry that I am not going through the grieving process right now. I'm not sorry you are still in charge of Engineering because you are one of the best hopes of getting us home. Maybe I suck at gaining the moral high ground but answer me this... What good does it do to 'honor' someone else's suffering if all it does is leave more suffering behind in its wake? When does it stop?"

She thought she had an answer ready for every defense anyone could throw at her but not this. He stood there looking defiant. She had been so insistent that he support her that she didn't stop to think what her decision would cost him. Her imagination briefly went to the place where the situation was reversed.

"Mr. Paris. Scan please!" The Doctor came into her field of vision.

"Doctor I said specifically…" She began. Tom had proven to be less than an easy target so she focused her unspent anger toward the hologram.

"I was ordered to proceed Lieutenant. I had no choice. I am sorry."

The unleashed anger dissipated. His quiet apology deflated her arguments. She sat still as Tom waved the instrument over her and she listened to the whirling sounds.

"Everything seems to be back where it's supposed to be and working but…" Tom said. The Doctor pulled the instrument away from him and studied it.

"A few days or rest and you should be back to normal." The EMH said. "I suggest you report to your quarters as soon as possible." He retreated back to his office.

"Normally he's in a good mood when a new procedure is successful. Overly talkative. I fully expect him to be in a bad mood for several days. I feel sorry for him...in a way." Tom said.

"Why so?" B'Elanna's mind was so full of her own situation she could barely squeeze in anything else.

"Before he knew about the atrocities he and Moset bonded. He thought he had found a colleague, a friend...and then he felt he had no choice but to delete him. The whole thing has left him...well you can see how it's left him." He snapped the probe back into the slot on the tricorder. "Let's get you back to your quarters."

She slowly stood up and took a few steps. Walking around was good but she felt tired.

"We can beam you over there. I'll go with you just to make sure you arrive there safely. Computer, site to site transport to Lt. Torres Quarters"

The beam placed them right outside her door.

'I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me for a while." Tom said.

'I don't but don't take it personally. I don't want to talk to anyone at the moment but I promise I will...think about what you said. I'm still mad at the Captain."

"It's ok to be angry. I'm angry. The Doctor is angry. Tabor and Chakotay are angry. This whole situation made everyone angry. I'm glad you are here and alive but no one should be forced to make these kind of decisions..ever." He said. He leaned and kissed her on the cheek. "Take all the time you need."

B'Elanna's mind was full of conflicting emotions as she watched him walk away. She hated that she had been saved through tainted research but Tom had a valid point of view. At some point the suffering had to stop.


End file.
